The Fine Art of Flirting (How Those Sparks Keep The Fire Burning Brightly)

People often tell my wife, Nan and me that they cannot believe that we have been married for over 15 years. They just have a hard time comprehending that people that have been together that long, could act the way that we do around each other.

Well, I’m here to suggest to you that there is an art behind such a relationship. And it is an art that we have learned to do well (after all, we’ve had over 15 years of practice). It is the fine art of flirting.

Let me stop here long enough to say that not all flirting is of the “fine art” variety. There is a great amount of inappropriate flirting going on in the world, as I am sure you know.

I believe if you are married or in a committed relationship with someone, then that person should be the only one that you flirt with. Many a marriage has been ruined by what started out as “innocent” flirting.

And why does it happen so often? Because it feels good to flirt and to be flirted with, and it is probably something that is missing from their relationship at home.

But if you’re good at flirting, it feels no less “good” when you are flirting with your own spouse. It fact, I believe it feels much better, because it carries no burden of guilt with it.

There is quite a range of flirting that Nan and I engage in, from very intimate to very public. Both are important.

The intimate flirting is important because it is something that only the two of us share, which strengthens our unity and commitment to one another.

The public flirting is important because it is an outward declaration of our love for each other to the entire world, or at least as far as to those who are watching us (and people do watch). Not being afraid to show our attraction to each other in public causes trust to build between us.

Hopefully, our public flirting also serves to inspire and encourage others to work on their relationships so that they, too, can experience the joy of what we have.

Good flirting sometimes harkens back to the time when everything was new in your relationship and rekindles those feelings of excitement and anticipation of what might come out of what was only just beginning.

I recently called my wife and asked her to go to dinner with me, but I did it as if I had never asked her out before. The exchange started something like this:

“Hello, is this Nan?”
“Yes.”
“Oh hey, this is Robert. Robert McArthur? I don’t know if you remember me . . .
“Oh, yeah, how are you doing?”
“I’m good. Hey, I was just wondering . . . .”

That began an entire evening of acting like we were on a first date. The only difference was that she did come home with me to spend the night, something that would have never happened on our first date! But it was okay, because we were married before we walked through the door of our apartment!

It isn’t hard. It’s loads of fun. And it feels good.

Don’t know how to start? How about walking up to your spouse in the kitchen and saying, “So, do you come here often?” You might be surprised where the conversation goes from there.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Special thanks to Jessica for sharing with Nan and me some of the flirtations that took place between you and your boyfriend. It helped me realize that the spark that keeps things hot for Nan and me is the flirting, and it inspired me to write this in the hope that it might help others to find a way to have this much fun! From what I can tell, I think that you and Marc have this down really well. Can you imagine how good you’ll be at it after 15 years of practice!?!

My Precious Treasure

"Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life."

--Proverbs 31: 10-12 (NKJ)


For over 15 years I have wanted to write a song specifically for my wife, but never had just the right words or tune. Then last night as I was going around turning out the lights, I walked past my keyboard and decided to play a tune or two before I went to bed.

I do this sometimes, because it relaxes me to play some of the few melodies that I have written over the past years. I started off playing an untitled instrumental that I had come up with maybe a couple of years ago.

As soon as I started, I found myself singing words to the music! I had only finished the first few lines when I stopped, for fear of forgetting what I had sung, and ran to get my laptop computer so I could write it down.

Over the next hour or so I worked with the words I had been given and wrote her the song that I had been wanting to write all these years.

I truly feel blessed to have the rare and unique relationship that I have with my wife. My prayer is that others will learn how to love this deeply.

So, even though I am not able to share the tune with you, I thought you might enjoy reading the lyrics to Nan's song.



MY PRECIOUS TREASURE

God gave me a treasure,
That treasure is you, dear.
He blessed me much more than I deserve,
So much more.

My heart overflows with love,
As I thank my Lord God for the blessing
He gave to me,
When you became my wife.

This love is, oh, so rare
There are few that can dare compare,
To this amazing love we share,
Each and every day we live.

You will always be precious,
So precious to me, dear,
I gave you my whole heart long ago,
Long ago.

And with each new morning star,
I will rise up and somehow,
I’ll love you more than e’er before,
You truly are my life.

Oh yes, you’re truly my whole life.

I’m just so thankful you’re my dear wife.


"He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the LORD."

--Proverbs 18:22 (NKJ)

Aribella's Lullaby

My newest grandchild is due to arrive next month. The arrival of Aribella has been much anticipated as my son and his wife have been trying to have a baby for quite some time, without success. They chose her name before my daughter-in-law became pregnant, because it carries the meaning, "Answered Prayer", which is exactly what she is.

I wrote a lullaby for her and just thought I would share the words with you.



ARIBELLA'S LULLABY

Sleep little baby girl,
No need to fear,
We’re right here.

Angels watch over you
As you sleep through the night.

Just close those sleepy eyes
And drift on away,
It’s okay.

And when the morning comes,
And on through the day
We’ll laugh and play.

Two eyes that shine so bright,
And soft hair that reflects the light,
Your small hands that know to hold on tight,
So precious in our sight,
Sweet baby.

You are the miracle,
God sent to us,
To cherish.

We’ll be right by your side
Each step of the way.

And every day that comes
We’ll bow and pray,
And thank Him.

Grateful to God above
For our heart’s desire,
Our answered prayer.

You’re truly,
God’s gift of love,
Our Answered Prayer.

The Love of a Father

Today is Father’s Day, and I’ve found myself thinking a great deal lately about the different things that Father’s Day might mean to other people, given the wide range of unique experiences that they may have had with their fathers.

Personally, I always think of Father’s Day as being a celebration of who my father is and what he did for me, rather than being about me as a father. And so, I even find myself sometimes just a little surprised when one of my kids or my wife makes it about me.

I am blessed to have a wonderful father who loved, cared and sacrificed for me, as I grew up, and who continues to love and encourage me today. He worked hard to give me a life full of rich experiences, and lived out a life of compassion and caring for others in front of me.

My relationship with my dad has a lot to do with how I understand God as my loving, Heavenly Father. Unfortunately, not all fathers leave their children with fond memories of their love and support.

So I can’t help but think that it must be harder for those who did not have a wonderful father, to experience the richness of knowing God as their Father, and having that closeness of relationship with him. With my own father, I’ve experienced the kind of love that would have caused him to lay down his own life for me, if needed, so that I could live. But what about those who haven’t known that kind of love?

And what about those, who haven’t known a father at all?

I guess it’s up to all of us to show forth the Love of God in all of our thoughts and words, and in those things that we do, so we are a reflection--however dim--of the Heavenly Father’s love for them. In doing so, perhaps they can experience what it is to be truly loved beyond measure.



“A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.” --Psalm 68:5 (NKJ)

Still in the Palm of His Hand

As an update to the previous post on my granddaughter, I thought you should know that after observing her in the hospital for a couple of days, it was decided that the symptoms that she was exhibiting were not of enough concern to make it necessary to do any kind of emergency surgery. As a result she was released from the hospital and allowed to return home where she will await the originally scheduled surgery on June 25th -- still in the palm of His hand.

In the Palm of His Hand

Our grand-daughter, Elania, is in a fight for her very life.

She was first diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor when she was only two years old. After surgery, chemo-therapy, radiation, and a second surgery, she remained cancer free up until she was seven, at which time they found another tumor had developed.

Once again she had to have surgery, but this time it was even more invasive than before, as they had to go through her cerebellum in order to remove the main tumor. The decision was made to treat a couple of other areas of concern with chemotherapy. The surgery left her with some challenges in her efforts to recover and unfortunately, despite more than a year of chemotherapy (some of it very aggressive), test results showed that one of the areas of concern had grown.

The decision was made to do surgery again and a date was set. Unfortunately, before the surgery could take place Elania started displaying symptoms which led her dad to take her to the emergency room at a hospital in Savannah, Georgia, last night. From there they felt the need to airlift her to the hospital in Atlanta where the surgery was originally scheduled.

At the time that I am writing this, I don’t know any other information as to how she is doing, and that fact is very frustrating, but at the same time I have a deep inner peace that can only come from God.

I believe it comes from the personal relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father and the trust that I put in Him. I know that He knows the end from the beginning and while things happen that I don’t understand, it just isn’t always necessary for me to figure it all out. I just need to hang onto the knowledge that no matter what happens, God will bring good out of it as I trust in Him. And in that trust is the peace that passes understanding.

I choose to believe that God is good, all the time, and that He is for me rather than against me. That is why I can come to Him like a child comes to his father, and give him any concerns that I have, knowing He is well able to take care of them all.

The devil, on the other hand is a liar and will do everything that he can to deceive us so that we won’t trust God.

So this morning, with the alarming reports of last night still fresh in my mind, the Lord prepared me for this time of not knowing.

He spoke to me.

It wasn’t like an audible voice. No flashes of lightning or claps of thunder. It was just a quiet reminder of something that I already knew in my heart.

These words came gently up from the inside of me.

“The devil may blow and he may bluster, but the LORD says, 'I’ve got this one in the palm of My hand.'”

(Interestingly, “bluster” is not a word that I would typically use, so I decided to look up the definition in Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary where I found that it carries these meanings: to talk or act with noisy swaggering threats, or to blow in stormy noisy gusts, or to be windy and boisterous. Sounds to me like he is just a bunch of hot air!)

Our prayer is and always will be that Elania be made healed and whole, however God chooses to do that, and our comfort is in knowing he holds her in the palm of His hand.

Still Under Construction

She was an older woman, though I would have a hard time saying just how old. She was pushing a mostly empty wheelchair that afternoon a few days ago, near the entrance of the parking lot at the shopping center where I work. I saw her there, but initially I didn’t really take notice of her more than to make a brief mental note to avoid hitting her as I drove into the lot on my way to my store. I was very focused on other things. I had things to get done and the day was already wasting away.

It was my day off and I had only come to work to pick up some empty boxes for my daughter who was packing up her household for their upcoming move to another city here in Florida. I had a plan and I was trying to work my plan. I wasn’t prepared for interruptions. So, honestly, I was a bit annoyed by this one.

But how are you going to ignore an older woman who is hunched over, pushing a wheelchair across a parking lot, when she is looking distressed and is trying to flag you down as you are trying to pass to the right side of her without running her over? So I pulled up a little, so as not to block the entrance, stopped and rolled down my passenger side window to find out why she seemed so desperate to get my attention.

She came up to the window and briefly explained her predicament. She was homeless, the shelters were all full, they wouldn’t be feeding until that night, and she was feeling sick from not having eaten. Could I please help her out?

Now, I had long ago decided never again to give money to people in her type of situation, but I did feel prompted to help her get something to eat. Since she was headed in the direction of the Wendy’s restaurant on the corner, I asked her if something from there would be okay. She said that would be fine, so parked my car in a nearby spot and got out. I walked the short distance with her to the restaurant, mostly without speaking other than to ask her if she needed help getting her wheelchair over the curb.

I held the door for her as she entered and held my breath as the rush of cool air from the restaurant left me downwind from her un-bathed body. I followed her to the counter and told her just to order whatever she wanted. She placed her order to go, and I presented my debit card to the cashier and she completed the transaction.

I said, “Okay?”

The lady simply and quietly said, “Thank you,” like she was responding to someone who had stepped out of her way or had held a door for her.

My obligation was complete, so I just walked away and left her to collect her order. I’m embarrassed to admit that I can’t even say for sure that I said, “You’re welcome.”

As I walked away, I was a little bothered by what I perceived as her lack of gratitude. Hadn’t I just interrupted my own plan and gone with her to Wendy’s and let her order the largest combo meal on the menu and paid the bill?

And yet at the same time, I didn't want her to make a big deal over what I had done and bring attention to it. All I really wanted was what I had done to be between her, me and God--and for her to be grateful to God.

I went back to my mission of loading up the boxes and within a couple of minutes I saw her again in the parking lot. The food that I had just purchased for her was no where to be seen, though it may have been tucked away with her few belongings. But what really irritated me was that she had stopped someone else who was getting into their car and was apparently begging off of them, too.

The whole situation started to really get under my skin and so I tried telling myself, “Just let it go. Forget it. What’s done is done. Don’t let it consume your day. You’ve got other things to get done and you sure don’t have time to let this get to you.”

It didn’t help.

Am I the only one that is a little slow to pick up on the fact that sometimes God is trying to show you something?

So I spent a lot of the day considering what had happened and how it made me feel. And slowly, I started to see some pretty powerful messages that I think God especially meant for me.

You see, nearly every morning I take my wife’s hands and we pray together over the day ahead, and over our family and loved ones. I ask God to put people in our path that we can be a blessing to, so that they are touched by the goodness of God and drawn to Him. When I pray it, I mean it with my whole heart. But I have to tell you, I don’t always hold onto that prayer as I get busy in my day.

Still, even though I wasn’t looking for an opportunity at that moment in the parking lot, it didn’t take long for me to know that God wanted me to help that woman. I sensed it deep on the inside and I acted on it. I was obedient.

Do you realize that there is a big difference in being obedient and being willing?

I did it because I knew I was supposed to do it. God let me know that He wanted me to do it. It wasn’t going to take much effort or time or sacrifice. So I just did it and got it over with. I certainly wasn’t excited about doing it. I wasn’t shouting,

“Hallelujah! God answered my prayer!”

But you see, I would have been, if I had been willing instead of just obedient. Oh yes, I did it, but how much more of a blessing would I have been to her and just how much more blessed would I have been if I had only done it with a willing heart.

What if I had taken the time to just show a little more kindness, instead of looking at her with mistrust? What if I had made the effort to talk with her, to get to know her, to encourage her, and maybe even find out if she had some other needs? What if maybe I had even said,

“How else can I help you?”

Or what if I had said to her,

“I just want you to know that God Himself spoke to my heart and told me to help you. He sees you, He knows where you are, and He loves you”?

What if?

How much more blessed would I have been in blessing her? And how much more grateful to God might she have been?

And then there’s the other lesson (one that I’m supposed to already know).

I am only responsible to act on what I feel God is telling me to do, to the best of my ability (with a willing heart). I'm not to worry about the results. I’m supposed to leave the results up to Him. If He tells me to do something, He undoubtedly has a good reason for it. I just need to do it and trust Him to make of it what He will.

It could very well be that what happened that afternoon was intended more for me than for her. Maybe it was to see if I would be obedient, and then to show me how obedience is not enough. I must be willing, so that the next time I’m prompted, I will be a much greater blessing and in that blessing, be far more blessed.


"If you are willing and obedient,
You shall eat the good of the land."

--Isaiah 1:19 (NKJ)