The Fine Art of Flirting (How Those Sparks Keep The Fire Burning Brightly)

People often tell my wife, Nan and me that they cannot believe that we have been married for over 15 years. They just have a hard time comprehending that people that have been together that long, could act the way that we do around each other.

Well, I’m here to suggest to you that there is an art behind such a relationship. And it is an art that we have learned to do well (after all, we’ve had over 15 years of practice). It is the fine art of flirting.

Let me stop here long enough to say that not all flirting is of the “fine art” variety. There is a great amount of inappropriate flirting going on in the world, as I am sure you know.

I believe if you are married or in a committed relationship with someone, then that person should be the only one that you flirt with. Many a marriage has been ruined by what started out as “innocent” flirting.

And why does it happen so often? Because it feels good to flirt and to be flirted with, and it is probably something that is missing from their relationship at home.

But if you’re good at flirting, it feels no less “good” when you are flirting with your own spouse. It fact, I believe it feels much better, because it carries no burden of guilt with it.

There is quite a range of flirting that Nan and I engage in, from very intimate to very public. Both are important.

The intimate flirting is important because it is something that only the two of us share, which strengthens our unity and commitment to one another.

The public flirting is important because it is an outward declaration of our love for each other to the entire world, or at least as far as to those who are watching us (and people do watch). Not being afraid to show our attraction to each other in public causes trust to build between us.

Hopefully, our public flirting also serves to inspire and encourage others to work on their relationships so that they, too, can experience the joy of what we have.

Good flirting sometimes harkens back to the time when everything was new in your relationship and rekindles those feelings of excitement and anticipation of what might come out of what was only just beginning.

I recently called my wife and asked her to go to dinner with me, but I did it as if I had never asked her out before. The exchange started something like this:

“Hello, is this Nan?”
“Yes.”
“Oh hey, this is Robert. Robert McArthur? I don’t know if you remember me . . .
“Oh, yeah, how are you doing?”
“I’m good. Hey, I was just wondering . . . .”

That began an entire evening of acting like we were on a first date. The only difference was that she did come home with me to spend the night, something that would have never happened on our first date! But it was okay, because we were married before we walked through the door of our apartment!

It isn’t hard. It’s loads of fun. And it feels good.

Don’t know how to start? How about walking up to your spouse in the kitchen and saying, “So, do you come here often?” You might be surprised where the conversation goes from there.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Special thanks to Jessica for sharing with Nan and me some of the flirtations that took place between you and your boyfriend. It helped me realize that the spark that keeps things hot for Nan and me is the flirting, and it inspired me to write this in the hope that it might help others to find a way to have this much fun! From what I can tell, I think that you and Marc have this down really well. Can you imagine how good you’ll be at it after 15 years of practice!?!